Wednesday, July 13, 2016

How to get laid.

I was telling a friend of mine about something that happened to me recently.  I was pretty sure a guy was hitting on me but not 100% positive.  He told me about how he broke up with a woman recently because she wanted to get serious and he wasn't ready to get serious.  Then he looked me dead in the eye and added 'unless of course the right woman came along'.

As I told my friend this story she said, 'Why don't men say I just wanna get laid'?  This started me thinking.

Why don't men just say 'I wanna get laid'?

Clearly this man was saying to me, 'If you are up for it we can have sex and then maybe if you are the right woman, we can continue having sex for a long time'.

Women want to get laid.  Women say it all the time to each other.  We talk about it constantly.  We text each other after the deed is done and say " I just got laid'.  Then we all celebrate together.

Ok, maybe men don't just ONLY want to get laid.  But it is a pretty big part of the post-divorce dating experience. So why can't we cut to the chase?

Women talk about sex constantly.  CONSTANTLY.  But yet when it comes to the dating dance we struggle around the 'let's have sex' moment.  We all know it is coming so it is pretty confusing that we don't just say 'Hey I am really attracted to you and I want to get naked and roll around with you'. Believe it or not women might actually like the honesty.  While they may not jump in bed, the teenage dance around sex will be quashed.

I have a lot of single friends who do want a relationship but also really want to have sex on a consistent basis.  While traditional norms assign the woman to the position of pushing off sex, this all seems to change once a woman has gone through a divorce.

And why not.  As my boyfriend said to me, 'We are all adults here'.  And so we are.  We are adults,  We have been through marriage and kids.  We know what it is all about.  So why not say on the date, 'I really like you and I want to see you again but I also really want to get you naked and have some sexy time with you'.

Let's be honest, with each other and ourselves.  Yes, we may be looking for a long term commitment but initially we are looking for sex.  So, ladies and gentlemen, just say it.  I wanna get laid. Trust me.  I'm single and fall for it every time.


Saturday, April 9, 2016

Are all women crazy?

No.

Ok, sort of.

Possibly yes.

Ok, ok, Yes all women are crazy.

I have been dating the same wonderful man for two and half years.  He constantly tells people that I am the most sane, smiling, happy person he has ever met.  He brags that I never break down and am always upbeat.  He's been feeling that sense of secure sanity for two and half years.

I hear from men all the time that they have dated some crazy women.  That crazy ranges from desperately needy to popping pills.  This got me thinking about women going crazy while dating men.  Why does it happen?  And how can I prove it is entirely not our fault but obviously men's fault?

So back to me.  Completely sane.  Always happy.  Always smiling.  Until a few days ago when I called my boyfriend at 8:30am as he drove to work and sobbed on the phone barely getting out the words, "Do you still want to be with me?'

So, how does this happen.  It's simple really.  Women read into everything.  EVERYTHING!

For a couple of weeks I had been feeling slightly insecure in my relationship.  I can't pinpoint one particular event that drove that insecurity. It was just a feeling.  Come on ladies, you know what I am talking about.

After a weekend away with the boyfriend where he asked me what I would do if we broke up, I felt worse.  Why would he ask me that?  Was he trying to tell me he wanted to break up?  Was he preparing himself for the break up?

See guys, this is what we do.  You say something that you immediately forget and we internalize it, toss and turn it, and read into it for days.  We discuss it with our friends.  We dream about it.  And while you have moved on and can't remember the conversation at all, we have stopped eating, sob ourselves to sleep and worry.

So on that fateful Tuesday morning,my crazy emerged in a tearful inquisition.  And the boyfriend, caught completely off guard, said all the right things.  Because NONE of what I was thinking, saying or feeling was even remotely true.  From his point of view, it was a normal Tuesday as he drove to work, and his seemingly sane girlfriend, went berserk and suggested that he was thinking about dumping her.  Of course he has mocked me for it every day since.

The average woman can keep the crazy hidden for approximately two months.  I managed two and half years.  I feel like a success story.  When I shared this moment with my friends, they all nodded in agreement.  'Of course you went crazy, what he said could set anyone off'.  Women know.  We all know how crazy happens.

Of course now the boyfriend is on edge, not sure when the crazy will reappear.  I suppose that is the power of crazy.  It keeps the men on edge, never sure when their happy, sane, smiling girlfriend will turn to the dark side.

The hidden truth of this story is this:  If you really like/love the guy and want to stay with him, keep the crazy hidden for as long as possible.  Then when it is revealed, the guy will do almost anything to keep it at bay.  So in the end, you win.  Trust me on this one because I am single and sane!