Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A picture is worth....

So my ardent 24 year old boy will not give up.  Mind you we have never met.  We had phone sex once and he doesn't want it to end.  He wants to love me, be with me, be my boyfriend.  He is a great deal younger than me.  He ends his sentences in prepositions and when I tell him not to, he asks me 'What's a preposition?'  He is sweet, aggressive and naive.  But he is far too young for me to even consider for more than just sex but even that seems so very wrong.  But this boy is determined.  He says he can make me happy.  I am not buying it.  I tell him that.  I tell him he needs to find someone his own age.  He says he only wants me.  He promises he can please me and he is determined to prove it.  And how will he prove it if I have not met him?  Why of course...he will send me a picture of his penis.

Now, why?  Why would anyone send a complete stranger a picture of their penis?  Now granted his face wasn't in the picture but still, it seems awfully reckless.  You never know where that picture is going to end up or who is going to see it.  And then there was the picture itself.  This was my first penis picture sent directly to me, so it is hard to compare it to other penis pictures.  Obviously I needed help in analyzing whether this penis was worthy of my time.  So I forwarded it to some girlfriends.

The first issue was that in the picture my 24 year old boy is holding the penis erect with his hand.  Why does he have to hold it erect? Shouldn't that thing stand up on its own?  He is after all only 24.   And there is nothing around it for reference.  Friend one suggested I write back and ask for another picture with a ruler next to the penis so we could really get a size perspective.  Not a bad idea.  My other girlfriend pointed out that it was oddly shaped.  Narrow at the base and wider on top.    And yet another girlfriend looked beyond the penis and noted that it looked like my boy was on a futon.  A futon!  That is almost worse than the fact that his penis is unable to stand up on its own.   And then there was the issue that in reality, no penis is a good looking item.  They are veiny, angry looking objects and in the low light my boy chose, it is grey and miserable.

What is my expected reaction to such a photo being sent to me?  Am I supposed to call him and tell him to come right over and put that ugly thing in me?  Or should I tell him how turned on I am by his totally gross gesture?  I am not sure of the penis picture protocol.  Since I am penis picture virgin I have no way of knowing what is the right thing to say.  What I really want to do is call him up and tell him that he should not being sending out pictures of his body parts to strange older women.  But I am pretty sure he is not looking for motherly advice.  So after much debate I decide to go with the naughty older woman role.  I write back to him and tell him he is a bad boy.  I sort of feel dirty.  And not in a good way.

But I did cross another item off things I have never done.  Never had phone sex - check.  Never had a guys send me a picture of his penis - check.  What could possibly be next?  I am sort of afraid to find out.  But so far none of these new experiences have damaged me emotionally.  So I guess I will continue to keep the door open and see what walks through, no matter how gross looking it is.  Because after all, I am 43 and single.

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