Thursday, January 13, 2011

A year of possibilities

It is 2011. I have been single for 30 months. And yet I am still hopeful. After celebrating another New Year's Eve as the sadly single girl among the married couples, I am not depressed. I am energized. I feel like this is my year. Why do I feel this way? Possibly I am drunk. No, that's not it. I just feel good. Which is odd for me as I am usually a truly cynical person. What put me in this mood? What could change my outlook? Did I get a new body, find a hidden treasure, discover the end of the rainbow? No. I got a text message.

Text message. The modern equivalent of the love letter, right? And I got this text on New Year's Eve no less. A text from Bob. The elusive Bob. The emotionally unavailable Bob. The Bob which I realize I have no future with but since I have nothing else to focus on, has become my obsession. The text wished me a Happy New Year and then asked what I was doing that evening. I waited the appropriate amount of time to respond in order not to seem too desperate. I also wished him a Happy New Year and told him I was cooking for a bunch of people. And even though I really didn't care because it didn't involve me, I asked him what he was doing. He responded that he was laying low. Was I supposed to invite him over? Was he seeing if I was alone too? Hard to read into texts. There just aren't enough words to obsess over. I texted back that I hope he had a good night and said we should have dinner in 2011. And he texted back that dinner was a good idea. A good idea!!!!!???? Now that I could obsess over. A good idea? Not a great idea? Not a fantastic idea? Just a good idea. Well....that's enough for me. Good is better than a bad idea. I was hooked. Again.

So a few weeks (ok, 13 days) have passed and I am ready to make my move. He did say dinner was a good idea, right? So I am going to ask him to come over for dinner. I am a woman of 2011. I am not going to wait for the man to make a move. And since his favorite mode of communication is texting, I will text. So I text. I invite him up for dinner on Saturday. And then I wait. How long will I have to wait? Turns out only 30 minutes. He texts back. He would love to have dinner but he is headed to Puerto Rico again. He suggests the following week.

I wake up from my faint. Did he actually suggest that we make plans ahead of time? I reread the text. Yes he did suggest that. Again I wait the appropriate amount of time and then text back. I give him a hard date. He texts back.....yes.

Crap. Now what? I hadn't actually planned on him saying yes. I had assumed it would be a no. Of course there are a few days from now until the dinner, so chances are he will back out. I mean there are really good chances he will back out. But what if he doesn't? What will I wear? What will I cook? What will we talk about? The stress of this is almost too much. Perhaps I should have let Bob remain in my fantasy world. At least there I could control everything.

No, no. This is 2011. I will embrace it in a bear hug. I will move forward. I will try new things. I will date new men. I will find someone who is decent, funny and kind. I will probably screw it up, but I will keep on going. I will have Bob over for dinner. I will wow him with my culinary prowess. I will seduce him with my sarcastic wit. I will, in the end, conquer. I am determined. I am driven. I am ever hopeful and delusional. Because after all, I am 42 and single.

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