Sunday, October 17, 2010

Second dates are for suckers

A second date. What does that say? I am a little concerned about this. I have been on a series of first dates but not a second date. The first date is in some ways the easiest date. There are really no expectations. I mean you hope that your date is normal, somewhat good looking and not a complete freak. But the second date. That is new territory for me. I ask these questions because I have been asked out on a second date. Sadly I am sort of ambivalent about this date. It is with the hunchback doctor who has, since our first date, sent me some poorly written emails that are incredibly hard to decipher as they lack punctuation and real words. But in the weeks that have passed he finally asked me out again. At least I think he did.

So what does the second date mean? Does it mean 'I found you remotely interesting and want to see if I was drunk or you were really were that interesting?' Or does it mean 'I have nothing else to do and no one else to go out with, so you are it'. Either way, I have nothing else to do and no one else to date, so I agreed to go out with him again. Now, way back in the day, when I was much, much younger, a second date meant there was going to be making out. So does the same hold true when both parties are over forty and have children? Do we go to dinner and then make out in the car afterward? And I know exactly what this means. All through the meal I will continually stare at his mouth wondering if I want to kiss those lips. And would I like his tongue sweeping through my mouth? And then I will take it one step further...what if he is a horrible kisser. What if it is too wet. Too sloppy. Too big.

See now I have already stressed myself out and I have not even gone on the date. And honestly, what will we talk about. We hardly know each other. Which should open the door to endless subjects to talk about, right? But I worry. What if there are awkward silences. And worse yet what if halfway through the date I want to run for the door. The first date was 'ok'. There were no butterflies. There was no moment where I waited anxiously for him to call, text or email. Is this dating in your 40's? And even when he asked me out, I was sort of just relieved that I wasn't repulsive. Pathetic I know. I need flirting. I need a man who really tries.

And I had that recently. High school reunion. They hold so much promise. Reconnecting with old friends whose personalities are etched in your brains from when you were 18 years old. There are the women who you weren't really close with because they were much cooler than you. And now you are on equal footing. Ok, Maybe not equal footing because some of them are still much cooler and now much richer than you. And you still feel like the geek when you are around them. They seem to know just what to say and when to say it. And then there are the men.

You remember high school in a variety of ways. You remember the classes, the sports and the social hierarchy. You remember the kids who were doing it and the kids who weren't. And you remember who you perceived to be the bad boys, the jock boys, the geeky boys, the cool girls, the smart girls and the athletic girls. I personally was the third wheel. Two best friends who always had boyfriends and me without a single date. And recently I reconnected with one of those boyfriends. Now I am pretty sure the statute of limitations on boyfriend stealing ended when my friend married. This boy has been emailing me. And those emails were definitely flirtatious. I am not sure if he is for me because my image of him is from far too long ago and clouded by the fact that he was having sex with my best friend. But hell, his photos look good and he was always nice to me, so I will entertain the thought.

So there I am at the reunion and there is the man I haven't seen in 24 years. He looks practically the same. I smile, say hi and then he ignores me. Literally walks away. I am in high school all over again. Why is he ignoring me? My hair looks fab. I am wearing painfully high heels. I even have make up on (my mother is pleased about this). I grew out my flock of seagulls haircut. I took out the row of earrings that graced my left ear. I stopped wearing Doc Martens. Does he still see me as a third wheel? Fine. I will move on. I will move on to talk to all the fat balding married men I went to high school with.

An hour later, and finally he talks to me. And it is flirting. Honest to God flirting. You know the kind where you touch each other on the arm ever so slightly. The kind of flirting where you know if there weren't 30 people you knew standing around, you would totally be making out with this guy. But alas, there were 30 people standing around and I am not into PDA. So I had to settle for him telling me that he found me attractive (blush) and telling me how good it was to see me.

Now I am definitely a different person than I was in high school and I am not sure if the image this man has of me actually jibes with who I am now, but who cares. There was an good looking man, who was focused on me and making me feel extra special and I liked it. And yet it was so fleeting. I went home alone. I was after all spending the night at my parents house. And now all I have to look forward to is a second date with a man who can't write with punctuation and hunches. Yipee. But I will put that all aside and I will go on this date because, as my friends have said 'You never know' which I have interpreted to mean 'Seriously, can you really afford to say no?". I will smile, hope for the best and maybe think about some real flirting while on the date. I will go on a second date because after all I am single and 41.