Saturday, April 17, 2010

Flirting 101

Flirting. It seems so simple. You see a boy you find relatively attractive, you bat your eyelashes, giggle at everything he says and gently place you hand on his arm a few times during the conversation. You flatter and fawn and soon he is putty in your hands. Right? So what happens when you are 41, single and have two kids? And you are on a baseball field, trying to watch your eight year old play ball and your six year old toss herself off a swing and there, by the slide is a hot guy. A hot guy within the right age range and confirmed as single. So what to do? Ignore my son as he finally hits the ball? Ignore my daughter as she plunges to death off the swing? It is all on the name of love after all. Ok, maybe not love but at least sex.

So how does one flirt in the post-marriage with children age. Not well I am afraid to say. Now I have seen this man before. We will call him Doc because he is a doctor. He is tall (then again to me anyone is tall), dark and handsome (at least my desperate eyes see him that way). He is muscular and standing next to him I felt very small which is always good for my ego. So I took the initiative and re-introduced myself to him. Now see, we had met before because he is the father of one of the boys in my son's class. That's where I had noticed him. So we started talking interrupted by screams from our children. I discovered that he is funny, very smart and is involved with his children. I also discovered that I am supremely hilarious. He laughed at everything I said. And that is when the light bulb went off. Perhaps I was being flirted with and didn't even know it. Could it be that Doc found my sun blocked greasy face and pale white sun starved legs attractive? I started to panic.

It had been a long time since someone flirted with me. I am pretty sure the 'flirting' that happens on Jdate doesn't count. All of a sudden I lost the ability to speak the English language. What was I saying? And why was I saying it? I didn't know. 'Think' I said to myself and I did! I thought, rope him in. But how? What did we have in common. That's it...our kids! Suddenly I found myself brilliantly asking about his summer camp plans for his kids. Sexy, right? Nothing says I want to see you naked like 'So, where is your son going to camp this summer?' And then the heavens parted and he said his son was going to the same camp as my son. They would be at the same baseball camp. For a week. This was my in.

But then it all went dark. His son was signed up in June and mine in August. So naturally I would uproot my son's plans with his friends and force into a week of camp in June with no one that he knew. Just kidding. Then Doc said he was thinking about switching his son to August. YES! I offered to carpool, figuring I could drop the kids off and then drop by his place. Then of course just as it seemed we were getting somewhere my daughter started whining because I wasn't pushing her on the swing. And the flirting came to a halt. As Doc left he waved and I yelled out 'I want you'. Ok, I didn't yell it out but I sent it to him through mental thoughts that I was sure he received.

So now what? I have been flirted with but it isn't enough. It feels sort of like 10 minutes of a 30 minute massage. I am almost relaxed but not quite. I need more. I am a junkie for flirting. Is there a 12 step program I can join? The next morning as I wandered home from the bus stop I had convinced myself that I was crazy and it wasn't flirting. It was a fellow single parent passing the time at baseball practice by chatting with another single parent of the opposite sex. And then it happened.

The phone rang.

At 8:45am.

No one calls at that time except my mother to ask me if I have lost any weight or found a man. And the caller ID said it wasn't her. Good because the answer was no on both counts.

Now normally I don't answer the phone if I don't know the caller but something inside me screamed 'Answer it!'. So I did and it was him...Doc....calling me.

He was asking me which week of camp my son was going to. Now, there really is no reason he needs to call me to ask me this as it is very clearly spelled out on the website. But I gave him the dates and then told him to let me know if is able to sign his son up. And that was it. That was it. I had nothing. He said nothing else. We said goodbye. Maybe he really did call to get he dates. Maybe he really did just talk to me at the baseball practice to pass the time. Maybe I am so hideous and weird it would never cross his mind to ask me out. Maybe my mother is right and I need to lose weight. Ugh, you know it is bad when I think my mother might be right.

No. I will not give up. This is the first male interaction that could lead to a date that I have had in almost eight months. I am not going down without a fight which will probably leave me feeling embarrassed and worthless. But what if there is that sliver of a chance that he is interested? I need to follow through. I am a modern woman. I can take the bull by the horns. I will call him. I will ask him if he was able to sign his son up for camp. That will lead to a clever conversation and then eventually we will make plans to get together. I will do this. I am an adult. I am self confident. I can do this.

But wait, I just discovered I have his email address.....

I will email him. I will take the easy way out. I therefore will insulate myself from saying something awkward and stupid. Because after all, I am 41 and single.